Weddings are full of traditions—some are cultural, some are religious, some are family (like my father and my aunt, both parents of four daughters, threatening to go halfsies on a ladder so we could all elope). But as weddings have changed over the years, which traditions have gone by the wayside—and which traditions still hold? Adrian Holmes and Jena Findle, of A&J Event Planning, gave this question some consideration.
First, many of the old gendered rules have faded away. “I haven’t seen a bride toss a bouquet for years,” says Holmes. “And they’re not going to do something just for the single women,” Findle adds. Now it’s more likely that the couple will have commemorative T-shirts made and toss them to all the guests as they are leaving. (Tossing the garter has also met its deserved demise.)
Fathers giving their daughter away has become less a symbol of transfer of responsibility than of the parents’ participation and support; “often both parents walk their child down the aisle,” says Findle. While father-daughter dances are still very popular, says Holmes, so are mother-daughter or mother-son dances. This can also be a way for same-sex couples to include and honor their parents.
As more couples are living together, the rule about not seeing each other before the wedding is also long gone. But even if they are going back to their own home, the “couple’s getaway” is still popular, with guests throwing bird seed instead of rice–and often the couple come back later for the after-party.
‘Bride’s side/groom’s side’ is also a thing of the past. “Older guests will often ask me that,” says Holmes. “I let them know they can sit wherever they like.” And she has seen weddings where the bride’s parents sit off to the side, rather than directly behind the couple, “so they can see their facial expressions as they say their vows.”
What traditions survive? Speeches and toasts, the couple (or the entire wedding party) being announced, and of course the cake-cutting are still really popular. And the white wedding dress remains a tradition–although it’s not required, and many modern brides accent their dress with colorful accessories. Wearing your mother’s dress is seen as a way to honor the past; Findle says one of her brides had her mother’s dress remade into her own wedding veil.
One of the big changes is in the assumption that the bride’s father pays. It’s much more common, especially as more couples are older and already well established, for the couple to pay for the wedding, often with the parents on both sides contributing. In fact, perhaps the biggest change is that the event is seen more as an expression of the couple themselves.
Whether it’s writing their own vows, having a friend officiate, having your parent as best man or matron of honor (or the latest variation, having “flower grannies” preceding the couple down the aisle), today’s weddings are more and more about the couple creating their own traditions.
