“Are you familiar with the works of Jung, Hans?”
“I am…aware…of the works of Jung, Herr Oberst.”
—The Eagle Has Landed
No greater intellectual gaucherie exists than to learn a subject too well, no profounder vulgarity than to admit to such depth. Poetry in its being idiomatic, inscrutable, obscurantist, and judged by the most extreme relativist standards makes it terrifically malleable to the purposes of experts and other boors. Any adult who ever hoists a cocktail will at some juncture be cornered by a Ph.D. vaporising about William Blake (Kevin Costner in Bull Durham: “William Blake? William BLAKE?!”). While best to walk away shaking your head, an occasion may arise in which you must endure or even engage: your thesis advisor, a pal of your significant other, your hostess. Here, a few extemporizations to pull you through until the gin kicks in.
The Browning Gambit
Listen attentively and wait for the speaker to pause. Draw out a “Yessssss…” while staring into your cocktail, then when all eyes and ears are upon you, look up at the speaker coyly and quote: “When it was written, God and Robert Browning knew what it meant; now only God knows.” Look enigmatic as silence falls and you stalk away.
The Waugh Gambit
From the novel Scoop, whenever Lord Copper asked his assistant if he’d read a certain author that he had not, the lackey would respond “Up to a point, Lord Copper.” Make this your mantra. Dithering poet-fancier: “Blah-blah phallic symbolism blah-blah you know Heine, right?” You: “Up to a point, of course.” This keeps you in the game, but allows you to continue making grocery lists in your head.
Earlier Works Gambit
Memorize an obscure line or two from a decent poet. Blathering professor rambles on about fave poet. Listen attentively, raise an eyebrow. Professor stops to sip Moet, say you’ve always preferred the poet’s earlier works, as “more terse and emotive.” Recite your verse, eyes closing, trail off into silence. Speaker assumes you know the poet in great depth, is stumped by the verse, rarely restarts monologuing. This snippet of Shelley has foiled a dozen grandstanders speaking on poets from Milton to Rod McKuen:
“The wind has swept from the wide atmosphere each vapour that obscur’d the sunset’s ray
As pallid evening twines her beaming hair in duskier braids around the languid eyes of day…”
Gambit of Misdirection by Irrelevance and Authority
Never refer to the poet under discussion. Never refer to the theme in question. Always trump a minor with a major poet.
Two examples:
|
Poet: Angelou Theme: Earth Our Mother Your move: “I’d always thought Wilde a greater aphorist than dramatist… was he also a poet? Too many irons.” |
|
Poet: Dylan Theme: If any, obscured by harmonica Your move: “Whitman likely discovered his homosexuality when serving as a medic in the Civil War…” |
