In case you missed them, a number of eye-popping reports have recently been released on the sexual state of our (increasingly libidinal) nation. The most attention-grabbing, for all kinds of reasons, was a recent study by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention which revealed that one in four of America’s darling little teenagers has a sexually transmitted disease or infection. And this came hot on the heels of a previous CDC study showing that teen birthrates are on the rise for the first time in 14 years. Of course, the fact that this alarming explosion of STD-sharin’ and baby-makin’ among Generation Y (as in “Why’s it so itchy down there?”) just happens to coincide with the federal government’s decade-long, $1.5 billion push for increased “abstinence-only” sex education is just a meaningless coincidence, we’re sure.
Still, it’s a worrying trend, and so it came as no surprise that the wise old men of Richmond felt the need to take immediate corrective action…by slashing every penny of state funding to Planned Parenthood of Virginia, one of the few safe, reliable institutions that can provide contraceptives and medical care to sexually active teens.
Now, for the squeamish and vitriolic among you, a word of warning: If the very idea of a pregnant woman having a “shmushmortion” (as the movie Knocked Up so delicately put it) offends you, stop reading now. Because we’re about to wade into the incredibly contentious waters surrounding reproductive politics, and—as always—someone’s bound to get their knickers in a twist about it.
Anyway, the whole mess started in late February, when Senator Ken Cuccinelli—in a bit of political theater almost certainly designed to boost his run for attorney general next year—strongarmed all of his Republican colleagues into voting for his anti-PPV amendment. Although the Democrats enjoy a two-seat advantage in the Senate, they couldn’t stop one of their own (Prince Williams’ Senator Charles Colgan) from crossing the aisle to vote for it, as well. That defection resulted in a 20-20 tie for the amendment, at which point Lt. Governor Bill Bolling (no doubt looking to polish his pro-life bona fides) stepped up to vote “Yay!”
Of course, conservative Virginia lawmakers have a long history of pushing extreme anti-abortion measures (like Delagate Chris Jones’ recent attempt to felonize the ingestion of “any drug or other thing” to induce a miscarriage—thereby, one assumes, subjecting all women who have undergone the heartbreak of a lost pregnancy to criminal investigation), with little legislative success. And so, the Assembly being the Assembly, it didn’t really come as a surprise when the Planned Parenthood funding was quietly restored by the budget committee.
Yes, you heard that right. After all of the sturm und drang and speechifying on the Senate floor, the controversial funding was slipped back into the budget by some mysterious hand in the dead of night. In righteous indignation, Lt. Governor Bolling immediately released a fiery statement that declared, and I quote, “I was very disappointed that the budget conferees did not include this language in the final budget agreement.”
Oh, wait—that’s not fiery at all. Hmm…it’s almost like all of this anti-abortion posturing is really just a cheap pose for public consumption, and—when push comes to shove—our elected officials aren’t really all that keen on denying vital health and disease-prevention services to Virginia’s (impulsively procreating) populace.
Well, whatever the reason, we personally applaud the decision, and sincerely hope that we don’t have to revisit this inane topic again next year.
And remember, kids: While we certainly don’t recommend it, if you simply must go out and dance in the rain, please don’t forget to wear your, um, little plastic bootie things, O.K.?
