Ace, Charlottesville’s FM dial has put a spell on me, and I can’t get no satisfaction—or relief, for that matter. Mostly, I just don’t know where to go for what I like. Any chance you can help me find what I’m looking for?—Ray Diogaga Funny you should ask, Ray. Ace was just receiving some instant […]

The world is getting to be a pretty scary place, Ace. I don’t know how I’m supposed to protect myself, for example, from the type of person who would carry an assault rifle to a presidential speech. Or in the event of the zombie apocalypse, which is also starting to look pretty likely. Where can […]

Hey Ace, what gives? I get all primped and cologned to go groove with the ladies at Rapture, but I get there and find a bunch of shrimpy dudes and mousy chicks playing live bar trivia, wearing taped glasses and suspenders and stuff, but not ironically, you know? I asked them who they were and […]

Ace, I’m worried about my little girl. I’ve been tracking her online activity daily, and she seems to spend hours on her MyFaceSpace. God forbid she fall in with the wrong crowd, or worse, catch the eye of some sicko stalker. In the interest of keeping tabs, I’ve decided to create a SpaceFageBook page of […]

What is a clockmaker to do, Ace? In this age of atomic timekeeping and all-in-one cellular gadgets, it seems like everyone’s turned a blind eye to our noble craft. I have this terrific idea for an escapement-driven pendulum, but everyone keeps telling me that it’s “so 17th-century.” I don’t suppose there’s anyone in Charlottesville who […]

These are strange days, Ace. I hear whispered rumors of a mysterious figure, a “grocery messiah,” coming in from the west, his hour come round at last, slouching towards Charlottesville to do business. Some call him Trader Joe. I’ve browsed every prophetic text I can find, but none mention him. Who is he? And should […]

Ace, help a fanboy out. Ever since Daniel Jordan abdicated his executive post at Monticello and was replaced by some lady named Bowman, my fellow Jefferson geeks and I have been petitioning the writers to have him retconned back into the picture. Because let’s face it—DJ was Monticello. And forgive us, but in this post-Battlestar […]

Ace, is there a single USPS blue mailbox between the railroad tracks adjacent to Water Street and Mill Creek, including all of Belmont? If so, I can’t find it. Has regular mail finally vanished, or am I just looking in the wrong places?—Blue-Box-Deprived-In-Belmont If you’re worried that non-electronic communication is going the way of the […]

Ace: When did Forbes become a hippie love-rag? I was counting my money the other day when my Blackberry updated its RSS feed, and what do I see? “Forbes.com: Virginia Is For Lovers.” I am a joyless shut-in, and this is news to me. What is Forbes blathering about, and should I consider moving?—Rick Cleuse […]

Ace: So, I’ve been hearing voices. Nixon’s voice, specifically, and he keeps calling me Bob. My wife, she says to me, “Bowie, you may be crazy, but those voices aren’t in your head, they’re at the Miller Center.” What is she talking about? Or is my wife just trying to mess with my mind?—Bowie Meangrove […]