Dr. Feelgood: Billy Bob Thornton dispenses the details of deception in School for Scoundrels.
School for
Scoundrels
PG-13, 100 minutes
Now playing at Carmike
Cinema 6
Stephen Potter was a British humorist who penned a series of mock “self-help” books in the late ‘40s and early ‘50s. Potter’s books on Gamesmanship, Lifemanship and Oneupmanship purported to teach “ploys” for manipulating one’s associates, making them feel inferior and generally gaining the status of being “one-up” on them. In 1960, a comedy called School for Scoundrels, or How to Win Without Actually Cheating! was film-ed in England with actors Ian Carmichael, Alistair Sim, Terry-Thomas and Janet Scott. It was loosely based on Potter’s roguish philosophies, transferring them—quite logically—to the area of amour.
Of course, none of this will make the slightest difference for people going to see the newly released School for Scoundrels, who have probably purchased tickets in order to see Napoleon Dynamite get shot in the crotch with a paintball gun.
School for Scoundrels, written and directed by Old School helmer Todd Phillips, uses the same basic framework as the 1960 film. Jon Heder (yes, Mr. Dynamite himself) plays Roger—a shy, introverted, entirely grooveless dude working as a lowly meter maid in New York City. In addition to his emasculating job, poor fashion sense and total lack of self-esteem, Roger is completely incapable of communicating with the opposite sex. And that goes double when it comes to the cute Australian chick living down the hall from him.
At the end of his professional, personal and romantic rope, Roger is directed toward a top secret adult education class run by the mysterious “Dr. P” (Billy Bob Thornton). Now, Dr. P doesn’t go in for providing self-esteem or inspiring life lessons for his students. No, he’s here to teach them how to be “lions.” Women are prey, other men are enemies, and the only way to get what you want in life is to take it. Thus begins a series of “tough love” (minus the love) lessons imparted by the callous Dr. Bad Santa. This involves inciting conflict with random strangers, copious amounts of lying and a general “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude.
Initial scenes, in which the devious Dr. P helps our nerdy hero and his fellow misfits (High Fidelity’s Todd Louisa and “SNL”’s Horatio Sanz among them) unleash their inner cad, are amusing. The laughs aren’t as big or as frequent as they are in Old School, but there are moments. (The aforementioned paintball fight being the most inspired.)
After spending roughly half its time as a bad-attitude version of Hitch, however, the film suddenly shifts gears, borrowing its second-half inspiration from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Here, the romantically reformed Roger finds himself competing in a battle of wits against the underhanded Dr. P, who has taken a shine to the object of Roger’s affections (Jacinda Barrett from “The Real World”). Lots of lying, cheating and slapstick backstabbing ensue.
The cast is more or less engaging. As he did in Napoleon Dynamite, The Benchwarmers and even the animated Monster House, Heder plays a dorky loser. There are those who would accuse Heder of typecasting himself—but, honestly, what else is he gonna do? Is he suddenly going to start challenging Brad Pitt for the hunky action hero roles? I think not. Thornton obviously relishes playing a nasty cad, and subsequently treats his role as seriously as a heart attack. As the hole in the middle of this romantic doughnut, Jacinda Barrett is cute enough, but she isn’t given enough of a character for viewers to really concern themselves over who ends up with her.
Though the cast tries its best to sell the humor, the script’s formulaic romantic comedy aspects end up bogging the film down in the second half. Will our heroine eventually realize she’s being manipulated by a total sleazeball? Will our hero tell his ladylove the Real Honest Truth? Will he make it to the church/talent contest/birthday party/airport before it’s too late? The frantic wrap-up, as contractually required by the RomCom Producers’ Local 101, features a lot of really contrived occurrences culminating in a big, silly public showdown.
If only Dr. P ran a tough love School for Screenwriters, these Scoundrels might have had a fighting chance. As it is, they end up expending much effort, to very little effect.
Alex Rider: Operation Stormbreaker (PG, 93 minutes) The hit teen lit (or “avid reader” or whatever they call it these days) series about a teenage James Bond comes to the big screen. Lost Nick Carter sibling Alex Pettyfer stars as a 14-year-old kid who learns that his uncle (Ewan McGregor) has been killed by an evil Russian spy. What’s a British schoolboy to do but join MI6 and go undercover to stop an evil plot to take over the world? (Devin D. O’Leary) Coming Friday; check local listings
All the King’s Men (PG-13, 120 minutes) Robert Penn Warren’s classic novel (filmed once before in 1949 with Broderick Crawford and John Ireland) returns to the big screen with a brand new, all-star cast. Based loosely on the life of Governor Huey Long of Louisiana, the film follows the rise and fall of populist political animal Willie Stark (Sean Penn). Though our politician is a self-described “hick,” he isn’t above playing dirty—a tactic that causes much consternation in his right-hand man (played by Jude Law). Kate Winslet, Patricia Clarkson, James Gandolfini, Mark Ruffalo and Anthony Hopkins round out the credits. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4
The Black Dahlia (R, 119 minutes) James Ellroy’s 1987 novel about the unsolved Black Dahlia murder in 1940s Los Angeles gets the Grand Guignol treatment from director Brian De Palma. The movie’s almost an incoherent mess, and both Josh Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart are miscast as a pair of cops, but there are many moments of pleasure as things spin more and more out of control. (Kent Williams) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4
Confetti (R, 100 minutes) This indie mockumentary out of England follows three couples as they battle it out to win the coveted title of “Most Original Wedding of the Year.” Which will it be: the all-singing/all-dancing wedding, the nudist wedding or the tennis-themed nuptials? The improvised dialogue hits some high notes, even as the film finds the dramatic trauma at the heart of the wedding biz. (D.O.) Playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre
The Covenant (PG-13, 97 minutes) Once
a Hollywood player (Die Hard 2, Cliffhanger), now a bit of a pariah (Cutthroat Island, Mindhunters), Finnish director Renny Harlin tries his hand at cheap teen horror. In this modestly budgeted supernatural thriller, four teens are bestowed with ancient mystical powers by their families. In the process, they accidentally unleash an otherworldly evil force and are charged with hunting it down. It’s basically The Craft, only with hot boys instead of hot girls. Adapted from the graphic novel by Aron Coleite and Tone Rodriguez. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
The Departed (R, 149 minutes) Martin Scorsese seriously reworks the 2002 Hong Kong hit Infernal Affairs, transferring the intense cops-and-robbers action from the Far East to the East Coast. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a fresh recruit from the Boston Police Academy who is put deep undercover in an Irish mob run by flamboyant gangster Jack Nicholson. At the same time, Nicholson has got his own undercover agent (Matt Damon) operating inside the police department. Much bloodshed erupts when our two moles are dispatched to find out each other’s identities. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings
Employee of the Month (PG-13, 103 minutes) There are people who are rabid Dane Cook fanatics, reveling in his every inside joke and secretive hand gesture. And then there are those of us who think he’s a nice enough young fellow who has yet to actually say anything funny. Here, Cook continues searching for the bridge between standup comedy and acting. He plays a slacker employee at a warehouse store who suddenly gets ambitious after hearing that the hot new girl (Jessica Simpson) will gladly date the employee of the month. As far as Jessica Simpson is concerned, there are people out there who think she’s a talentless bimbo. And then there are… No, wait, that’s pretty much it. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings
Everyone’s Hero (G, 88 minutes) Weeks after we’ve all suffered CGI toon burnout comes yet another CGI toon. This one’s an adventure comedy about a young boy who goes on a 1,000-mile quest (with a talking baseball, no less) to rescue Babe Ruth’s stolen bat. Brain Dennehy, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed Helms, William H. Macy, Raven Symone and Rob Reiner are among the not-terribly-exciting voice cast. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Facing the Giants (PG, 111 minutes) If only there were someplace that people who want to see an inspirational sports drama in which you root for the underdog football team could go (besides Rudy, Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, Invincible, Gridiron Gang, etc.). O.K., so this sort of thing has been done once or twice before. The difference? Well, this one was produced by the Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Georgia. There are more references to Jesus than there are to touchdowns. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Flyboys (PG-13, 139 minutes) This resolutely old-fashioned, airborne action flick takes us back to the days of World War I where we get to watch cute young stud James Franco (Spider-Man) join up with the famed Lafayette Escadrille to fight the evil Red Baron (just like Snoopy). The film mixes every war movie cliché together with some state-of-the-art CGI. At least the WWI dogfights look impressive (if you’re into WWI dogfights). Plus, it features copious use of the word “fokker.” (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Gridiron Gang (PG-13, 126 minutes) Wrestlin’ thespian The Rock finally finds a project worth being passionate about with this inspirational sports drama. Rock plays Sean Porter, a real-life counselor at California juvenile detention facility. Tired of seeing the near-perfect recidivism rate, Porter tries an alternative approach, forming a high school football team from among his ragtag gangbangers. The “root for the underdogs” stuff is all standard-issue, but director Phil Joanou (U2: Rattle and Hum) lends some visual polish. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
The Guardian (PG-13, 136 minutes) Until now, Hollywood hasn’t given the Coast Guard the same sort of love it has extended to Marines or firemen or cops or Russian hit men. There just aren’t a lot of Coast Guard-based action films. Now, Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher are here to rectify the situation. Costner takes over the “gruff older instructor with an emotionally scarred background,” leaving Kutcher to play the “cocky but hunky new recruit with a lesson to learn.” The Guardian does a good job of showing how dangerous the jobs of Coast Guard rescue swimmers actually are, but at 136 minutes, Costner and Kutcher spend a little too much time sitting around and chatting. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Seminole Square Cinema 4
Heading South (NR, 105 minutes) Still-hot 60-year-old Charlotte Rampling stars in this naughty Euro version of How Stella Got her Groove Back. Rampling is a tourist who ends up in 1970s Haiti with a couple girlfriends looking for some fun in the sun. They find it amid the handsome native boys who are more than happy to indulge the foreigners’ carnal desires for a few bucks. Trouble sets in, however, when two of our tourists set their sights on one man. Issues of love, sex, loneliness, commerce and post-colonial power abound in this lovely think-piece from French director Laurent Cantet (Time Out, Human Resources). (D.O.) Playing at Vinegar Hill Theatre
Hollywoodland (R, 126 minutes) This noirish investigation into the circumstances surrounding the death of TV-Superman George Reeves (Ben Affleck) explores the price of fame—that long, sad walk down the boulevard of broken dreams. Affleck does a creditable job impersonating the rather flabby Man of Steel, and Diane Lane is equally effective as the studio executive’s wife who took Reeves under her wing, but the movie itself seems less hardboiled than over easy, lacking a true tragic dimension. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
The Illusionist (PG-13, 110 minutes) Edward Norton stars as a magician who, because of his apparent supernatural powers, becomes a threat to the Hapsburg empire in fin-de-siècle Vienna. The movie’s a love triangle that’s supposed to stir our passions, but it doesn’t quite get the job done, partly because Norton lacks hypnotic appeal and partly because the whole thing seems to be taking place inside a cardboard box. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Jackass Number Two (PG-13, 103 minutes) Sigh… Yes. They made a second one. Teenagers who love to pour h
ot sauce in their eyes, jump off buildings and kick each other in the nuts are super friggin’ stoked! Everyone else simply continues to mourn the slow, steady death of civilization. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
Jet Li’s Fearless (PG-13, 103 minutes) Allegedly Jet Li’s final martial arts film (say it ain’t so, Jet!), this historical kung fu film was a major hit in its native China. Li plays the legendary Chinese martial arts hero Master Huo Yuanjia, the founder and spiritual guru of the Jin Wu sports federation (basically, the first organization to pit fighters agaisnt one another in one-on-one bouts). It ain’t a whole lot different than his other historical fight films (like Once Upon a Time in China) But the occassionally witty fight choreography keeps things punchy. (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
The Last Kiss (R, 104 minutes) TV’s Zach Braff stars in this remake of the 2001 Italian comic drama of the same name. Braff plays a 30-something dude who knocks up his girlfriend (Jacinda Barrett) and can’t decide whether or not to marry her—even with the meddling help of parents and friends. (D.O.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Little Miss Sunshine (R, 100 minutes) This pitch-black comedy features a strong cast (Greg Kinnear, Toni Collette, Steve Carell) in the story of a downwardly mobile Albuquerque family that can’t win for losing. Although the filmmakers sometimes press too hard on their theme about the hollowness of the American Dream, the movie often achieves a light, farcical tone that’s touchingly at odds with the mood everybody’s in. (K.W.) Playing at Regal Downtown Mall 6
Open Season (PG, 86 minutes) Wow, Ashton Kutcher fans are certainly like pigs rolling in filth this week. Between this and The Guardian, there are two Kutcher films in which to wallow. Frankly, it seems like overkill—not unlike the dogpile of computer-animated animal movies we’ve been subjected to this summer. Here, Kutcher plays a cartoon deer who helps a domesticated grizzly bear (voiced by Martin Lawrence) to survive in the wild. Only complication: Hunting season starts in three days! (D.O.) Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
School for Scoundrels (PG-13, 97 minutes) Reviewed on page 54. Playing at Carmike Cinema 6
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (R, 84 minutes) Ah, there’s nothing like beating a dead horse. And then stringing its corpse up in a garage and hitting it with a hammer and then cutting it up with a chainsaw and then eating it. The director of the crummy tooth fairy horror flick Darkness Falls attempts to cash in on the relative success of 2003’s TCM remake. In this prequel, a group of teens on a road trip breaks down in the middle of nowhere and is terrorized by an evil sheriff (R. Lee Ermey) and his twisted offspring. At least there’s lots and lots of blood and guts for you gorehounds out there. (D.O.) Coming Friday; check local listings
