By C.J. Sullivan
and Dave Hollander
SULLIVAN: Is golf a sport? Well, yes. It’s arguable whether it’s a game or a skill, but I think in the last decade these hard hitting, slow-walking men have proved that this is one difficult game to master. To be a top golfer takes much training and practice. They are indeed athletes. Witness the many other great athletes who retire from their respective sports only to flail around the golf course and wish they could be Tiger Woods. Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan play a lot of golf, and compared to the lowliest pro on the Masters, they suck. So who is the athlete?
Are you going to try and tell me Tiger Woods is not an
athlete? The guy has, like, 5 percent body fat. Are you go-ing to bring up golf fatties like John Daly to prove your point? Then look to baseball’s David Wells and Bartolo Colon as two rather portly baseball players whom most would refer to as athletes. How about most offensive linemen in pro football? These guys often push the 30 percent body fat limit—the definition of obesity. Golf may be “a good walk spoiled” (see Mark Twain) but the players are athletes. Albeit specialized ones, but still they compete at very high levels and deserve our accolades.
HOLLANDER: Golf does not even rise to the level of “a good walk spoiled” because the primary action of walking is not required. So says PGA Tour v. Martin (2001) where the Supreme Court ordered the PGA to allow disabled golfer Casey Martin to use a golf cart in between holes rather than walk. The Court supported its decision by finding that whether a golfer walks between holes did not “fundamentally alter the nature” of the game. How can you call something a sport where being ambulatory is not a basic minimum physical requirement?
A “sport” requires athleticism. Athletes are people who demonstrate superior physical skill in the areas of strength, agility and stamina. Think of the mythological gods and heroes who personified the highest physical virtues: Hermes (speed), Hercules (strength), Aphrodite (stamina). There’s got to be at least some running to call it a sport. I’d prefer some contact, too. But “no walking required”? You call that a sport?
Just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s a sport. Computer programming and brain surgery are difficult exercises. They are not sports. Also, just because you compete doesn’t make it a sport. Pretzel vendors compete. Art galleries compete. Hell, a spelling bee is a competition. Golf is recreation—something to pass the time. It is no more a sport than marbles or cat’s cradle.
I can understand how a man in your declining physical condition, premature though it may be, would choose to see golf as a sport. Along with chewing, talking and clapping, golf may be one of the few remaining physical activities you can handle. Don’t let your physical decrepitude cloud your mental acuity as a “sports” writer. With golf, you will not recover the lost playground glory that has long escaped your reach.
SULLIVAN: Nice. Pick on poor Casey Martin. You never answer-ed the question about Tiger Woods being a superior athlete. You know he is, so like most of your arguments, you avoid it and go onto minutiae. I do agree that I would love to see contact on a golf course. Also, running and speed would move the game along. Your score plus the time it takes to run the course would determine the winner. That would be cool. But it will never happen because golf has a long and storied history. It is one of the world’s oldest sports.
Mankind has a love for this sport. Centuries ago in Scotland men were put to death for playing the pagan sport of golf. Yet many still played under threat of death. That makes it a sport. Hitting a drive, Dave, requires strength. More than your pipe like forearms could muster. Hitting a ball in the rough requires a good eye—like baseball—plus agility to hit shots at an angle. Have we given you enough physicality yet for you to deem it a sport?
Golf is damn hard and cannot be taught. It is a body memory muscle game, unlike computer programming, which is all in mind. There is skill involved in golf. Just as there is nothing harder to hit than a baseball, there is nothing harder than hitting four below par on a Master’s course.
Take your beer guzzling intellect out to the Yankee Stadium bleachers and sit with the other moronic creatures wailing about athleticism when they have trouble hitting their mouths with a fork full of food. I have seen you eat and Lord help us if you ever pick up a Big Bertha and try to hit a few drives.
HOLLANDER: The fact that some 17th-century Scotsmen risked their lives to play golf says nothing about whether golf is a sport. More likely, it says a good deal about the power of a certain single malt beverage. I don’t know what kind of an athlete Tiger Woods is, but I bet if they brought back “The Superstars” competition he wouldn’t do so well against champions from other sports. In fact, I think I could beat Tiger Woods in a footrace. However athletic Tiger is or isn’t, there’s very little evidence of it in golf. Do we know if he is fast, or can jump high or has quick reflexes? We only know that golfers can perform a very limited and specialized range of physical activity.
That takes me to my next point: Golf is boring. You want to get a nap in on Sunday afternoon? Turn on golf. Looking for something to make sure the kids get some shuteye? Turn on golf. Do you want to see the least amount of physical prowess combined with the greatest scarcity of raw emotion? Turn on golf. Recently, I listened to a host on talk radio praise Hall of Fame play-by-play announcer Pat Sumerall for his ability to call any sport on television—even golf. “Golf’s easy,” said Sumerall. “Nothing happens.” That, my friend, says it all.
This article originally appeared in the New York Press.
