"Passions"
Weekdays 2pm, NBC
Wacky shit goes down all the time on daytime TV, but none of it comes close to the insanity on "Passions." I caught an episode in which a tsunami crashed into the show’s New England town and unearthed corpses from a graveyard, one of which ended up in a house and then popped out of its coffin, jack-in-the-box style. Awesome. And that’s to say nothing of the witches, living dolls, haunted sheds and assorted other occult staples regularly featured on the show. Alas, all good (or cheesy good) things must come to an end, and "Passions" is getting the boot as of September 7. The show will live on through Direct TV, but with only a fraction of the NBC audience and an incomplete cast, it’ll just be half a life. A zombie life, if you will. Which is kind of fitting for good ol’ "Passions."
"Celebrity Rap Superstar"
Thursday 10pm, MTV
This new show features hip-hop luminaries teaching "celebrities" how to rap. It’s kind of like "Dancing With the Stars," but with less hoofing and more beatboxing. MTV is being curiously tight-lipped about the participants, which leads me to believe this thing is being put together on the fly. But we know that overexposed Internet rumormonger Perez Hilton is one of the supposedly famous people involved, and that washed-up rapper Tone Loc is his mentor. And hey, I like "Funky Cold Medina" as much as the next guy (minus the homophobic last verse), but the Loc hasn’t been relevant since the animated flick Bebe’s Kids, and that was 15 years ago. Hopefully the talent roster for upcoming episodes is a little healthier.
"Weeds"
Monday 10pm, Showtime
Sweet fancy Moses, this show just keeps getting better. We’re a couple episodes into Season 3 of the suburban mom/pot dealer dramedy, and admittedly the plots are getting a little less realistic. But the superlative writing and acting make it easy to overlook the more gonzo elements and instead focus on what a smart, fascinating world these characters inhabit. The most recent addition to Agrestic’s bumper crop of nutbags is Ms. Mary-Kate Olsen, child star turned tween brand turned teenaged millionaire turned 20something bag-lady fashion icon. Olsen plays a pot-loving Jesus freak, which is pretty much exactly how we figured Michelle Tanner would turn out. She was raised by Dave Coulier, people. It was only a matter of time.
