Will Smith and M. Night Shyamalan made a movie together. See, they’re both into patterns. After all, in a recent interview in New York Magazine, Smith said, “I’m a student of patterns.” Shyamalan made a movie, Signs, about crop circles (which, really, are patterns). And finally, they’re both in a holding pattern of making shit movies, so it should be no surprise they combined their talents for After Earth.
Smith and Shyamalan have produced a small miracle: After Earth makes no effort to entertain. To be fair, more of the awfulness lies with Smith than it does Shyamalan. After Earth began as an original story by Smith (the word “original” is used advisedly), so he bears an enormous amount of the blame. Plus, he hasn’t made a truly watchable movie since Hancock in 2008. Shyamalan hasn’t made a watchable movie since The Sixth Sense.
So what have we learned? Nothing. I’m just killing time. As for the movie, Smith seems more interested in making his son, Jaden, a movie star than making a decent film. Unfortunately, the younger Smith has zero charisma and a stilted delivery that makes one wonder how either the elder Smith or his mother, Jada Pinkett Smith, is actually his parent. One thing the parent Smiths have is charisma, though Smith Sr. has done his best since roughly Seven Pounds to make his audiences forget it.
I’ve never bought the argument that movie stars should only do what they do best. For Smith, that’s comedy. He’s also shown he can play drama (The Pursuit of Happyness, for example), but he has a habit of conflating drama and dourness.
That’s what’s on display here. He plays Cipher Raige (I swear I didn’t make that name up), a general in some armed forces squadron that doesn’t make sense and the movie makes little effort to explain it. Humans were forced to leave Earth, ended up on a planet where giant bugs called Ursas can smell fear, and he made waves killing Ursas because he realized fear is a choice (helpfully printed right on the movie poster).
For other reasons that don’t make sense, they crash land on Earth, Cipher is injured, and his wimpy son Kitai (Jaden Smith) must find a homing beacon so they can signal for a rescue. What’s the best place to do that? A volcano at the other end of a mountain range, of course. Everything on Earth is trying to kill them (global warming is the little-spoken reason), and Kitai does his best to kill himself through a series of stupid decisions.
None of this movie’s absurd plot or dumb character motivations would be so disagreeable if After Earth had a sense of humor. But like all of Shyamalan’s movies, it takes itself so seriously it’s hard to believe anyone making it had fun. Why should the audience? Plus, it has Shyamalan’s standard leaden pacing and wooden line delivery, neither of which is aided by a repellant script. And what’s with the accents?
Good news, though. The summer movie season has barely begun, and After Earth will soon be a distant memory.
After Earth PG-13, 100 minutes, Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX.
Playing this week:
42
Regal Downtown Mall Cinema 6
Epic
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
Escape From Planet Earth
Carmike Cinema 6
Fast & Furious 6
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
Frances Ha
Regal Downtown Mall Cinema 6
The Great Gatsby
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
The Hangover Part III
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Carmike Cinema 6
Iron Man 3
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
Jack the Giant Slayer
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
Mud
Regal Downtown Mall Cinema 6
Now You See Me
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
Oblivion
Regal Downtown Mall Cinema 6
Oz The Great and Powerful
Carmike Cinema 6
The Place Beyond the Pines
Regal Downtown Mall Cinema 6
Renoir
Vinegar Hill Theatre
Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf’s
Regal Downtown Mall Cinema 6
Spring Breakers
Carmike Cinema 6
Star Trek Into Darkness
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
Tyler Perry’s Temptation
Carmike Cinema 6
Movie houses:
Carmike Cinema 6
973-4294
Regal Downtown Mall
Cinema 6
979-7669
Regal Stonefield 14 and IMAX
244-3213
Vinegar Hill Theatre
977-4911
