City seeks customer care director

The City of Charlottesville is looking for, in language that can only be described as compassionate corporatism, a “director of customer care.” The job requires a bachelor’s degree in business or public administration and pays anywhere from $80,000 to $100,000 a year.

Think you got what it takes? C-VILLE lists what we think the potential job applicant’s skill set should include.

Explain vast, 40-year construction projects—such as the Meadowcreek Parkway—to a citizenry who, in its heart of hearts, believes it won’t live to see their groundbreaking.

Communicate city’s message during the late summer and fall months in answer to the question: Just where the hell has all our water gone?

Identify and respond to the needs of a confused, perplexed public if ever a Republican somehow manages to regain a seat on City Council.

Bravely face an onslaught of angry customers (a.k.a. citizens) storming municipal buildings like pitch-forked village people from the days of yore when the first water bills go out that are adjusted for infrastructure improvements.

Have patience with whiny Downtown Mall merchants if a homeless shelter is opened within a five-mile radius.

Respond politely when citizens at City Council meetings call your job unnecessary.

Drive a Subaru.

Peacefully coexist with 800-pound gorilla in the room. Ability is essential during those months when the gorilla’s classes are in session and on certain autumn weekends.

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