Which non sequitur witticism is the real thing?

UVA has no additional sanctions for athletes

But Harvey says fall incidents were "aberrations"

Victim led police to suspects

Asset Capital Corp splits town with a tidy sum

Housing Authority set for Levy Avenue site

Darden's executive education for suits with a conscience

Partial government shutdown possible

Yuppie retailer's stock is down

Cash, drugs and mall gift certificates can be yours