Pipe down
Dear Punjint: “The deal,” as they say, is that hookah smoking is simply awesome, in the way that only a communal activity whose health risks haven’t yet been fully assessed can be.
Bagged down
Dear Barry: First off, Ace reminds you that you can always reuse your bags. Shoppers who use their own bags at Whole Foods get a nickel back for each bag they carry (though they are warned not to abuse the systemâso no showing up with 200 bags shoved down your shorts). At Rebecca’s Natural Foods, one worker told Ace that she “always appreciates it” when customers use their own bags.
The river wild
Dear M. Pure: Well, if there’s one thing Ace appreciates as he gets on in years, it’s fishing, swimming and canoeing⦠and drifting lazily downstream in a raft, drinking beer and ogling women in bathing suits, of course. Fortunately for Ace, the Rivanna River allows him do all of these things. But is it safe?
Selective service
Dear Ace: I ordered tickets to the “Wetlands Revival Tour” concert at the Pavilion, but the show has been canceled because Wynton Marsalis has an inflamed lip. I got an e-mail from the ticketing company saying they would refund the cost of the ticket, but not the service charges. I paid for these services to attend a concert that is now not being presented âwhy should that cost me money?âNick L. N. Dimed
Who knows?
Dear Cyranose: If by “it” you mean your solitary state, if by “it” you mean the endless nights you spend alone even when entwined in the arms of another, if by “it” you mean the existential state of emptiness that eventually crushes everyoneâ¦no, it’s not your nose. It’s your species. Enter by yourself, exit by yourself: That’s the way we do it around here.
A soldier’s tale
Dear A.B.: Ah yes, the Vietnam Graffiti Project. Ace has more than a passing interest in this fascinating endeavor himself, as his father also served in Vietnam. Here\’s the deal: Around 1997, local military artifact historian Art Beltrone was helping with research for Terrence Malick\’s World War II epic The Thin Red Line. One of his assignments involved shooting video of the troop compartment of the venerable General Nelson M. Walker troopship (affectionately nicknamed the “Okinawa Express,” due to her frequent trips to Japan). The Walker was the very definition of a military workhorse, having seen active duty in WWII, the Korean War, and the opening years of the Vietnam conflict (she was deactivated in 1968, and eventually laid up in the Navy\’s James River berthing area).
Elway on the move?
Dear Ace: I just heard from a friend of a guy who my sister used
to date that legendary Broncos QB John Elway has bought a
house in Advance Mills and is moving to Charlottesville. Can
this possibly be true? âBuck N. Bronco
A “friendly” query
Dear Georgette: What, you don’t think the Paramount is friendly? You got some kinda problem with the Paramount that Ace needs to fix for you? Like maybe with a fat punch to the schnoz?
Swedish invasion
Dear Crank: Tell me about it! It seems that everywhere that Ace goes, there’s a boxy, earth-toned Scandinavian baby wagon blocking his path. Unfortunately, due to ongoing court proceedings, Ace is not at liberty to reveal the exact make and model of the Acemobileâbut you can rest assured that it is nothing as safe, staid and boring as a Volvo. (Nor does it do Volvo-esque things such as start consistently, or reach speeds in excess of 50 mph). But, for whatever reason, it does seem that Charlottesvillians love their Volvos, and it’s not a trend that looks likely to end any time soon.
Way overdue
Dear Paige: Unfortunately, your timing could not be less perfect. The Jefferson-Madison Regional Library did indeed sponsor an amnesty week for massively delinquent borrowersâunfortunately for you, it ran from April 2 to April 8, so it\’s now nothing but a memory.