“Whatever, Martha”
Tuesday 9pm, Fine Living
Martha Stewart gets more than her fair share of crap. She’s derided for being an imperious bitch and, yeah, there was that whole insider-trading thing. But she’s done her time, and frankly, I like her sheets and towels. She’s a savvy businesswoman, and the best way to get back at your critics is to get a piece of their pie. Enter “Whatever, Martha,” a show in which old episodes of “Martha Stewart Living” get the “Mystery Science Theater” treatment, but instead of crude puppets it’s Martha’s daughter, Alexis (looking way hotter than her “Apprentice” days), and Alexis’ sidekick taking potshots at the domestic goddess. So you get all of the handy home-making tips, and a dose of snark to make Martha more bearable. I desperately hope they dig up the Christmas special she did years ago where she made blown-glass icicles with a one-eyed man. That shit writes itself.
“Sixtieth Annual Primetime Emmy Awards”
Sunday 8pm, ABC
I’m not sure if this will be wildly entertaining or dreadfully insipid—or maybe both—but this year’s Emmy Awards will be hosted jointly by the five nominees in the Outstanding Reality Host category. That means we’ll get to giggle as Heidi Klum wades through her scripted banter with that delightful Teutonic trill, but we’ll also have to suffer through Ryan Seacrest’s ceaseless preening and Tom Bergeron’s relentless cheese. (I could take or leave Howie Mandel and Jeff Probst.) As for the nominees, here’s hoping that Alec Baldwin gets the trophy he so richly deserves for Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, and that his show “30 Rock” is rewarded for one of the best seasons of any show, ever. And can’t we give Glenn Close a little love for her ruthless work in “Damages”?
“Heroes”
Monday 9pm, NBC
After a disastrous sophomore season, this once-hot show desperately needs to prove to its waning fanbase that it’s still got the goods. The answer apparently lies in bringing in the bad guys, as the third season is subtitled “Villains.” Look for lots more of charismatic cannibal Sylar, deranged electrocutioner Elle, a new blonde speedster foil for Hiro, and plenty of other new baddies. Other developments include yet another new identity for Nikki (although this one claims no knowledge of the super-strong schizophrenic), rumored powers for Mohinder and some fancy narrative footwork by the writers that should make the scenes between real-life couple Milo Ventimiglia (Peter) and Hayden Panettiere (Claire) less incesty, since they play uncle and niece on the show. Ew.
