"Crowned"
Wednesday 9pm, The CW
How do you make a reality competition about wannabe pageant girls even campier? By making it a competition featuring the girls and their mothers, of course. This sounds like a train wreck—a glorious, tiara- and tantrum-filled train wreck. Note that the girls and their mothers are not competing against each other. Rather, they work as mother-daughter combos with the goal of proving…I’m not exactly sure what they’re trying to prove, actually. That both mom and kid are smart, pretty and talented? That seems right, and yet very wrong. The judges include former Miss U.S.A. Shanna Moakler, best known as one half of one of MTV’s imploded reality TV couples (she was/is married to Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker); TV "personality" Cynthia Garrett (I think she was a VH1 VJ, like, 10 years ago); and Carson Kressley, formerly of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." It’s going to take a lot of Vaseline on the teeth to impress that queen…
"Clash of the Choirs"
Monday 8pm, NBC
The producers of "Dancing with the Stars" are behind this new talent competition; let’s call it "Singing with the Stars" for short. Five music bigshots from very different genres but fairly similar career trajectories (that is to say: spiraling into obscurity) return to their hometowns to select local amateur singers to join their choirs. Said choirs will then compete against one another on live TV, and America will vote for its favorite group. The stars include former boy-bander Nick Lachey, R&B/gospel legend Patti Labelle, country boy Blake Shelton, Destiny child/Beyonce survivor Kelly Rowland and Michael Bolton (the man needs no introduction). Your mother will probably love this, so watch and you’ll have something to discuss over holiday brunch.
"Duel"
Monday-Friday 8pm, ABC
This game show combines trivia challenges with poker playing, as 24 contestants face off over six nights in order to win a huge cash prize. The two dozen ordinary Joes range from a funeral home owner to an ATM repairman to an alligator wrestler to a litigation assistant, all of whom apparently think they’re trivia geniuses and expert bluffers. ESPN anchor Mike Greenberg hosts, and there are "Chip Girls" a la "Deal or No Deal." ABC clearly has high hopes for this, since it’s giving it the intense, week-long rollout it gave "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" those many years ago. Will "Duel" prove to be a similar megahit? Well, let’s put it this way: At this point, it’s pretty much this or test patterns on the tube.—Eric Rezsnyak
