During the snowfall last week, a light dusting that nearly brought the city to its knees, Curt was asleep, his TV still casting scenes from Antonioni‘s L’avventura ( O.K., it was Old School) on the walls of his bedroom when he heard booming, ghoulish voices coming from his basement.
Upon inspection, CC discovered three dudes dressed like the Ramones who introduced themselves as the ghosts of Cultures Past, Present and Future. After bedeviling him with visions of past cruelty and future crises ("But how could Vince Vaughn retire from film?" Curt asks at one instance. "His monologues are like Magritte paintings!"), the three spirits bade him be generous with his cultural know-how and give you folks some tips on how to spend those holiday bucks. Here goes:
  Art in bulk: Bombard your holiday gift-grubbers with art from Steve Keene and get a hell of a lot more than you bargained for. (In Curtain Calls’ case, 13 paintings for the price of three!) |
A friend in Williamsburg, New York, recently bumped into former Charlottesville artist Steve Keene (www.stevekeene.com), famous for crafting the cover art for Pavement‘s Wowee Zowee record as well as his prolific output of paintings. Keene’s style—a mix of quick-swiped images and obscure bits of text—will strike a chord with locals immediately (catch glimpses of his work in Sidetracks and Monsoon restaurant). The friend reminded Curt of Keene’s low priced work, and so CC placed an order for three large paintings, totaling $55 (including shipping).
The package that arrived at CC’s home a few weeks later was nearly 4′ tall and weighed a bit more than a fat child. Inside, CC found enough saran wrap to envelop a moose, clippings from The Onion and The New York Times and 13 paintings—the Brooklyn bridge, the Lincoln Memorial, cats and blues musicians. Rumor is that Keene sees a Charlottesville shipping address and flips his palette, hence Curt’s art jackpot.
 Ward off the shopocalypse with What Would Jesus Buy?, a hilarious documentary featuring every shopper’s worst nightmare, Reverend Billy, and his wife, former local Savitri Durkee. So what would Jesus buy? An SUV, right? |
While you’re at it, hit the website of another New York artist with local ties: Jason Polan‘s May exhibit at the Bridge/Progressive Arts Initiative, "1,000 Drawings of Giraffes and Other Things," sent a bunch of long-necked, knobby-kneed (wow, sounds like CC in high school) ink drawings home with art fans for as little as a dollar. Polan ( www.jasonpolan.com) offers a few great shopping deals on his website including more giraffes ($10 to cover shipping and materials, then a dollar per giraffe, with a maximum of 100 per order; Curt recommends a nice 33 giraffe piece) as well as life-size portraits for $100. The lone caveat, from Polan’s site: "Unless you are wider than 3′ in which case I am so sorry."
While doing your holiday shopping, remember that classic art exchange rate: One picture = 1,000 words. Now, giving a book as a gift requires a few personal words of your own before forcing a few picture’s worth down your friends’ eye-holes. An inscription typically does the job, and a unique tag from the author just might show your fellow lit-lover that you went the extra mile.
While Curt has a strong desire to parade in front of John Grisham‘s home demanding an autograph in his copy of Grish’s latest, Playing for Pizza (truly one of the best books to combine Italian dining and football), he’s taking the easy route this year and heading to New Dominion Bookshop on Saturday, December 15, for a book signing by three local authors. Jean Cooper (A Guide to Historic Charlottesville and Albemarle County), Jennifer Ackerman (Sex Sleep Eat Drink Dream) and Susan Hitchcock (Frankenstein: A Cultural History...wow, one of these things is not like the other ones) will sign copies of their books from 10:30am to 4pm (for full schedule, see page 53).
Hungry for more? All right, you greedy gift-guzzlers, here’s a short list:
T-shirts from Seibei: Former local David Murray was behind the cartoonishly bombastic shirts for this year’s Freakfest, but has a collection of clever and poppy designs and slogans. CC’s favorites include the Michael Jackson-inspired "‘Thriller’ was a documentary" and a shirt titled "Kitten apocalypse." $21-24 ( www.seibei.com).
Films from Belmont: With the first screening of local frightfest Mister Angerhead under their belts, Mary Michaud and Mark Edwards are ready to sell you copies of their latest film. What’s more, they also have copies of Still Life with Donuts, their documentary of the neighborhood that spawned the Spudnut. $14.95- 19.95 (www.misterangerhead.com).
Season tickets from Live Arts: Plan accordingly, folks; you can either buy up single tickets for the rest of the 2007-2008 season or simply plan ahead for next year. And since the first few shows of A Little Night Music sold out (see review, page 60), planning is encouraged. From $100 ( www.livearts.org).
Scene two: Screw spending!
Or you could buy nothing. Squat! Zilch! Send your loved ones out into the heartless cold of the winter with teary eyes, a joyless heart and a ticket to the December 14 premiere of What Would Jesus Buy?, a docu-comedy (what, it’s not a "commentary"?) produced by Supersize Me‘s petri dish for McDonald’s, Morgan Spurlock.
WWJB follows the travelling ministry of Bill "Revered Billy" Talen, who exorcises a Wal-Mart sign and tells a gaggle of gawkers in Disneyland that "Everything here in Main Street, U.S.A, it’s made in China!" all to ward off what he calls the "shopocalypse." And helping the good reverend fight the crusade against consumerism is Savitri Durkee.
Trailer for What Would Jesus Buy? |
Durkee grew up in Albemarle County and founded the improv dance ensemble Zen Monkey Project before moving to New York in 1997 and marrying Talen, who founded his Church of Stop Shopping in 1999. In 2000, Spurlock saw Reverend Billy in the East Village and sought out Talen and Durkee to make a film that moved Talen’s message across the country.
Curt called Durkee in New York and spoke with her as she and Talen prepared to head out for the evening. "I’ll catch up with you, Billy," she says to the reverend. Then, a moment later: "You have my wallet, right?"
Durkee fills CC in on the film’s reception from all reaches, radicals and Evangelical preachers, more. "We’ve been travelling a lot," says Durkee. "We’ve talked to right-wing Christian bloggers one minute and the editor of Hustler the next."
As an Albemarle resident, Durkee was also involved in Live Arts and Offstage Theater Company, but says that film gives her a different way to talk to people. "The movie is a vehicle for the message," says Durkee, "not the other way around."
Durkee describes her local holiday memories as mixed: Wood fires, animal noises, walking through wilderness. "But I don’t know if they’re holiday-related," she says, then brings up the post-holiday glut of presents that kids bring to school.
Curt explains to her that he’s putting a shopping list together (he omits the part about the spirits) and asks Durkee what she and Talen do to celebrate the winter holidays. She says that they like walking around Coney Island "to watch the Russian guys play chess." When CC presses her for more gift ideas, Durkee says she and Reverend Billy recommend giving something that you already have to someone you care about.
That settles it, dear readers. You’re all getting copies of my column. E-mail me if you want ’em autographed.
What Would Jesus Buy? opens on December 14 at the Regal Downtown Mall 6.
